


Roving Packs Of Feral Hairdressers

by DoctorV



Series: Archive: Doc's Old-Ass Fake News Fic (Daily Show, Colbert Report, etc.) [17]
Category: Fake News FPF, The Colbert Report, The Daily Show
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Flirting, Gen, Hair-Touching, M/M, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-16
Updated: 2018-03-16
Packaged: 2019-04-01 03:19:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13989375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoctorV/pseuds/DoctorV
Summary: Jon's glorious jewfro.





	Roving Packs Of Feral Hairdressers

**Author's Note:**

> Archiving some old old OLD fanfic of mine. This was originally posted to LiveJournal 04/15/2009, with the author's note:  
> "Prompt was "Jon and Stephen meet during their college years, maybe?""

"Whoa whoa _hey_! Hands off the merchandise, man!"

 

The taller, bespectacled man ignored his protests, hand still buried deep in Jon's hair. "Hm, you probably _could_ get top dollar at a wig shop," he said thoughtfully.

 

"Uh..." Jon stared at him, too surprised to even try to swat the man's hand away. He could feel him _squeeze_.

 

"Yes, _definitely_ ," he said. "This? Is some high quality merchandise you're carrying here. You might want to take some precautions. Perhaps invest in a _hat_."

 

Jon huffed a disbelieving laugh. "Precautions against _what_?"

 

"Roving packs of feral hairdressers."

 

A crazy man was squeezing his hair. Jon decided to play along.

 

"Are they prevalent in this area?" he asked in the most serious tone he could manage.

 

The man raised an eyebrow and said gravely, "You can tell where they've marked their territory by the smell of _hairspray_. They'll have you shaved and trimmed in a minute _flat_ if you're not careful."

 

Jon bit his lip, trying not to laugh. "Sounds uh, dangerous. Sadly, I left my yarmulke on campus."

 

"There're _reasons Halakha_ calls for your people to wear protective headgear," the man said sternly. "It's to _protect_ the fragile beauty of the Jewfro from those envious of its glory." At Jon's startled look, the serious expression dropped away and he almost looked sheepish. "Comparative Religion class."

 

A giggle finally escaped Jon and he shook his head, not quite dislodging the man's hand but loosening his hold. He stuck out a hand. "Jon."

 

The man awkwardly took it with the hand not in Jon's hair and gave it a firm shake. "Stephen."

 

"I thank you for your concern over the, ah, safety of my hair, Stephen."

 

Stephen gave a solemn nod. "I feel duty-bound, Jon, to accompany you and protect it should we wander into the territory of any rabid barbers." He shot Jon a tragic, earnest look. "You wouldn't even know your doom was sealed until you heard the ominous sound of _clippers_ on all sides."

 

Giggling again, Jon batted Stephen's hand away from his head. "Seriously, man, get the fuck outta there."

 

"You know you love it."


End file.
